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Women With Sparkle

Ladies! Let me tell you something about your female body that’ll BLOW YOUR MIND!!!

  • 16th April 2018
PHOTOGRAPHY: ollieweait.com.

OUTFIT: Dress- ASOS

Did you know there’s an organ in your female body that may be responsible for you over-eating, over-spending and indulging in hours of mindless TV or social media? I know for a fact that you want to be living a healthy and vibrant life but somehow end up eating foods or repeating behaviours that make you feel pretty crappy. I know you think it’s because you’re lazy and have no willpower but, the truth is, this can simply be the result of not understanding a crucial organ that most of us know little about. This organ, combined with a deficiency in a certain nutrient, means you’ll be engaging in mental and physical patterns that aren’t filling your life with the health, happiness and sparkle you deserve.

In this chapter, I’ll reveal exactly what that organ is, as well as the nutrient that your body is being starved of. You’ll also find out about a powerful gas (which I call your Superpower Sparkle Gas) that’s naturally released in your body and boosts your energy, immune system, helps fight infections, protects you against dementia and provides a whole host of other sparkle-boosting benefits. Buckle-up my sparkle sister, this powerful new knowledge about your body is going to blow your mind!

The silent health crisis for women that no one’s talking about

Let’s start with a simple analogy. If you’d been held underwater for a long time and then came up to the surface – how would you breathe? You’d be gasping for air wouldn’t you? That’s because your body knows how vital oxygen is for staying alive. Keep this image in your head because most women are starved of (and therefore “gasping” for) a certain “vitamin” crucial for their optimal energy, joy, vitality, immune system, confidence, mental health and sex life.

So what is it? Well, it’s been called ‘Vitamin P’, but it’s full name is something called ‘pleasure’. I believe that pleasure is a necessary nutrient in women’s health and if you’re deficient in it and don’t “ingest” it during the day, then you’ll likely spend your evenings binge eating, binge online shopping, binging on social media or anything else to try and satisfy the natural (not naughty) pleasure cravings of your female body.

And no, pleasure isn’t something luxurious reserved for the privileged or rich and it’s most certainly not just about sex (which it’s often associated with). Pleasure is something that your body needs because it actually protects your mental and physical health by reducing inflammation in your cells. The reason this is so vital is because cellular inflammation is the root cause of many diseases, including the most serious ones like cancer and heart disease. So, before I tell you about the organ in your body that needs pleasure and your Superpower Sparkle Gas, let me first explain why you’ve heard so little about the benefits of ‘Vitamin P’.

Pleasure propaganda

You’ll have been taught that pleasure isn’t a necessity in your daily life and that it’s something that has to be earnt. Whether it’s a nap, a night away, a cup of tea in peace or a slice of chocolate cake, it doesn’t come for free. If you experience any form of pleasure you’ll likely feel obliged to make up for it through guilt (by going for a run or calling yourself greedy after eating cake) or action (“you let me rest for 10 minutes? I’m so grateful, I’ll now let you rest for 10 days”).

However, like oxygen, pleasure isn’t something to be earned, justified, hidden, denied or only experienced on a special occasion. There’s been some great propaganda done through schools, the media, families, corporations and religious institutions that have overtly or covertly taught that good, virtuous women should endlessly care for and serve others.  They shouldn’t “indulge” in their own pleasure because it’s seen as gluttonous, excessive, promiscuous and unspiritual. Women have been taught and positioned as the “givers” of pleasure and rarely the receivers. So, it’s time to start undoing the cultural programming that labels any woman who takes care of herself and seeks pleasure as frivolous or “selfish” –  this is dangerous and it’s damaging women’s health.

The key to pleasure

 So, let me back up my belief that you were designed to receive (not just give) pleasure with some biological facts. You’ve got many incredible organs in your body and all of them exist to keep you in perfect mental and physical health. No organ exists without a unique purpose and if they’re all doing the job that they’ve been created for, then you’ll likely have a happy, healthy, sparkly body. However, there’s one organ that you’ve not been properly taught about and if you don’t understand its needs, then your vitality and quality of life will be affected. Only women have this organ and, although it would never be called a “vital organ” by a medical professional, I’m telling you it IS.

This organ is the clitoris. I know what you’re thinking, “argh, this now means we’re talking about sex.” Well, no, sex is only one part of the clitoris’s function and why it exists. To always link the clitoris to sex is like thinking your brain only exists to do Suduko puzzles. The name “clitoris” comes from the Greek word for “key” and if you can understand this organ’s actual and symbolic reason for being in your body, then you can start to unlock a life filled with happiness, health and joy.

The clitoris is the ONLY organ in the human body (men have no equivalent) whose SOLE PURPOSE IS FOR YOU TO EXPERIENCE PLEASURE (read this again a few times). Do you understand what this means? Pleasure was deemed so vital to your existence as a woman that you’ve been given a single organ dedicated to it. Meaning you have lungs because you’re meant to breathe every day, skin to protect your body and excrete toxins every day and a clitoris because you’re meant to experience pleasure every day. All of your organs have daily jobs and a remit of keeping you in health and fully alive, none of them are meant to be redundant or an afterthought.

 Some enlightening clitoris facts:

  • Your clitoris contains at least 8,000 sensory nerve endings. 8,000! To put that into perspective, the penis only has about 4,000! So you’ve been given an organ that can feel double the amount of pleasure of a penis. In a world that champions the penis as the king of pleasure, you actually possess an organ that’s far more powerful in its pleasure receiving abilities.
  • Your clitoris (depending on each individual woman) is approximately 10 centimetres in length. It’s made up of lots of different parts, including the clitoral head, hood, clitoral shaft, urethral sponge, erectile tissue (yes, it’s not just the penis that has that), glands, vestibular bulbs and clitoral “legs”. However, it’s only the head and hood (which make up approximately one third of the clitoris and the only parts you’ll likely know anything about) that are outside of your body.
  • Several major medical textbooks leave out the clitoris or label it on a diagram with no description of it as an organ (unlike the penis which is always covered in-depth). The lack of knowledge about this crucial organ in a woman’s body (and it’s link to physical and mental health) only increases the inequality often experienced by women.
  • In the 16thcentury, it was said that the clitoris didn’t appear in “healthy women” and it was known as the “devil’s teat.” If a woman was found with one, then she was often deemed to be a witch. By the 1800s, women diagnosed with “hysteria” sometimes had their clitoris removed – an abhorrent act of violence that still exists today (known as Female Genital Mutilation**) and seeks to inflict pain and deprive women of their God-given right and biological need for pleasure.
  • The clitoris actually grows during a woman’s lifetime as a result of hormonal changes in the body. By the time a woman is 32 years old, the clitoris will be almost four times the size it was at the start of puberty. After menopause, the clitoris will be around seven times larger than it was at birth, meaning, our pleasure as a woman in life is meant to INCREASE as we get older. What wonderful news and not the usual story you’ll hear about women ageing.
  • The first life-size model of a clitoris was created by the amazing French engineer, researcher and sociologist, Odile Fillod, who realised that seeing what a clitoris looks like (it’s beautiful!) was a vital part of teaching sex education and correcting the myth that it’s “pea-sized.” (If you want to see the 3D model Odile created then go here – https://vimeo.com/166628201and skip to 1 minute 40. There’s also a free download should you want to print your own model to remind you of the size, beauty and importance of your pleasure organ –

http://carrefour-numerique.cite-sciences.fr/fablab/wiki/doku.php?id=projets:clitoris)

Commit to your clit

So, just as your lungs demand air and your stomach needs food, your clitoris is a reminder that your health depends on infusing and incorporating pleasure into your daily life. So how do you stimulate this powerful organ?  Yes, ok, there’s one pretty obvious way that everyone associates with the physical stimulation of the clitoris, but, the needs of your female body go way beyond sexy-time.

We often try and satiate our pleasure needs with habits like those I mentioned at the start.  Some of us will guzzle a packet of biscuits or we’ll watch endless hours of  TV or scroll thorough Instagram mindlessly. If you do those things and feel like you’ve experienced true pleasure, then you go for it, but most of us don’t and we’re subconsciously trying to get a quick-fix for the pleasure our body is craving. However, these short term fixes don’t bring the physical, and emotional nutrients that we desperately need as women. So, to really commit to your clit and get that pure joy and vitality radiating throughout your body, my advice is to start creating ‘Daily Pleasure Practices’ and do all you can to release more of your Superpower Sparkle Gas.

Superpower Sparkle Gas

It’s all well and good to know about the qualities and symbolism of your clitoris. But I know you’ll still be thinking of certain things as “guilty pleasures” or an indulgent treat that you don’t deserve. Maybe you think it’s selfish or a waste of time and money to invest in your pleasure. Well, it’s NOT and I believe pleasure can actually be considered a medicine for your body because it releases a wonderful chemical compound in your body called Nitric Oxide.

You know how Spiderman can throw a web out of his hand and Wonder Woman can turn into the butt-kicking, world-saving goddess that she is? Well it’s because they’ve been blessed with unique superpowers that boost their strength and ability. Now, what if I told you that Nitric Oxide is your own sparkle-boosting superpower?

Nitric Oxide is produced by the cells that line the blood vessels in your body and its discovery even won a Nobel Prize. When you experience or think about pleasure this gas is released and its effects have a whole host of magical benefits, such as:

  • It helps your WHOLE BODY function better as it improves your circulation (by widening your blood vessels) meaning, that more of the good stuff your cells need for your energy and vitality, gets delivered to them.
  • It balances all your other “feel good” hormones such as endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin – the very chemicals many women are prescribed drugs for.
  • It allows new neural pathways to form in your brain, which means it can help reset negative thinking and create new positive thoughts and habits.
  • It works with anticoagulants in your body to fight infections, reduce inflammation and destroy tumours.
  • It reduces blood pressure and increases oxygen in the blood (vital for people with poor or compromised heart health).
  • It helps protect against dementia and other neurodegenerative diseases.
  • It gives your body the most incredible feeling of euphoria and pleasure as well as a deep feeling of relaxation.
  • Nitric Oxide actually lights the glow of a firefly, so just think how much it could relight your inner sparkle!

Nitric Oxide levels rise in response to pleasurable thoughts and activities. So now that you know how good it is for your health, how can you release more of it? Well, these are just some of the activities that will fill you with your Superpower Sparkle Gas:

  • Belly-laughing at a funny video clip someone sent you.
  • Closing your eyes and feeling the sun on your face.
  • Having a massage.
  • Drinking and savouring a wonderful cup of tea.
  • Moving your body – everything from a full-on run (Nitric Oxide is to thank for “runner’s high”) to going for a gentle swim, walk in nature, cartwheeling barefoot across the grass – whatever brings your unique body the most pleasure.
  • Breathing deeply and being thankful for all you have.
  • Having an orgasm.

The other important point is that your body makes no distinction between thinking about something and actually doing it.  For example, stress hormones are still released into your body whether you’re thinking about losing your job or it’s actually happening. The same is true for releasing Nitric Oxide – it can be released simply by you choosing to think about pleasurable things. Nitric Oxide also increases when you eat foods that are high in nitrates, such as kale, spinach and foods with high levels of antioxidants such as rocket, walnuts, garlic, berries, broccoli, blueberries and dark chocolate. Hemp seeds (which I love btw) are also known to fuel the production of Nitric Oxide – so get sprinkling them on your salads, soups, stews and pop them in your smoothies!

The enemies of your Superpower Sparkle Gas

How is it then that you’re not feeling the benefits of Nitric Oxide when you may be sipping tea, going to a yoga class and orgasming (or thinking about doing those things)? Well, many women feel sad about all the awful things that are happening in our world. The 24-hour stream of bad news on TV or the pain and struggles of those we love can make us feel that pleasure is not something we can or should experience. However, we were never meant to shoulder ALL the hurts in our world. We’re originally from tribes and only meant to cope with the issues in our immediate communities. In that environment, we had the ability to help others who were struggling, whilst still having the time and realisation, that there was much joy and happiness around us.

However, we’re now in a global society that constantly bombards us with terrible news and we get drawn into burdens so heavy that we don’t have the mental or emotional strength to carry them. This is affecting our health because we weren’t designed to experience so much pain and such little pleasure. These feelings of sadness, guilt, anger, worry, fear, stress and grief (along with physical and environmental toxins) will deplete or inhibit the vital release of Nitric Oxide in your body. Yes, we all experience stress, grief, worry etc but this was never meant to be a permanent state, you were always meant to move past these places and back into times of pleasure and joy.

Once you start including more pleasure into your days and releasing more Nitric Oxide, it will help to reduce the stresses and worries you’ve believed were a normal part of your life. So, I want you to actually start choosing thoughts, activities and new habits that will bring you bursts of Nitric Oxide and therefore bursts of fun, delight, pleasure, ecstasy, joy, exhilaration and health!

NB Men too produce Nitric Oxide but they haven’t been given an organ designed solely for pleasure. So although they deserve and should enjoy pleasurable thoughts and activities, it’s women who’ve been created with the most powerful organ of pleasure and seem to find it more difficult to accept, acknowledge or engage in their right to pleasure.

Daily Pleasure Practices

When I’m doing a nutritional consultation with women, the question that I hear the most is: “You’re not going to make me give up [fill in the blank] are you?” No matter what issue a woman comes to me for (a skin condition, depression, painful periods, lack of confidence, a recurring illnesses) I can always see the sheer terror in her eyes.  Simply the thought of giving up a particular food, drink or activity stresses her out. Not because she’s being stubborn or silly, but because this “thing” is often the only form of true pleasure in her day or life!

It’s the mum who has run around all day after screaming kids and treasures that large glass of wine; the career woman who always works late and needs chocolate on the commute home; the woman in a relationship where there’s so little intimacy or communication that she looks forward to the meal of junk food on the sofa with her partner as a crucial way to connect (even though she’d rather a healthier meal sitting at the table). I get it. I understand that when you have an organ in your body crying out for pleasure, you don’t want your only experience of it taken away.

However, there’s no need to worry. As I explain to my clients, unless you’re seriously ill, most of these things CAN be enjoyed in life, BUT they’re meant to be savoured as an occasional treat and never be the ONLY pleasurable thing in your day. Try to understand that your body is not actually craving something that causes inflammation like alcohol, fatty and sugary foods. It’s craving an experience of pleasure. Ever wondered why women eat certain foods and call them “orgasmic” or say that shopping is better than sex? It’s because they’re tuned in to their clitoris and its need for pleasure (with and without sex). A woman who is “turned on” is not just someone having or thinking about sex, it’s a woman so “aroused” by her own life on a daily basis that she has the same glow, spring in her step and sparkle associated with a woman experiencing great sex.

So, if your clitoris represents the need for your pleasure and Nitric Oxide provides the health benefits, how do you get these power sources working in perfect harmony? Well, just as one sit-up won’t give you abs,  a frenzied stuffing of biscuits or downing of wine, won’t give you the deep holistic pleasure that your body is needing. What you need is daily, evenly hourly, moments of true, acknowledged, unadulterated pleasure. Sounds excessive? Well, if you don’t think you’re being excessive by taking about 12-20 breaths every minute, then I don’t want you to think your clitoris needing multiple moments of pleasure each day is over the top. It’s time to start cultivating your Daily Pleasure Practices.

Here’s some of my Daily Pleasure Practices that boost my sexy sparkle:

  • I walk my dog, take in deep breaths of fresh air and look at the flowers and trees.
  • I make my morning green tea as if I’m making it for royalty. I treat myself to the finest tea my budget allows, I brew it in a beautiful cup and I make sure the first 2 or 3 sips are drunk as if they’re the very elixir of life. I know for many of you that first thing is when you’re tearing around after your kids or rushing to work but, could you have this moment before they get up or when they’re at school or taking a nap? Could you get to work earlier or stop off on the way and collect your favourite drink from somewhere so that there’s some pleasure in your day before it starts?
  • If I want chocolate, then instead of a cheap, crappy bar right there and then, I’ll wait until I have at least 30 minutes in my day. I then run myself a bath, put a chocolate croissant in the oven (I always keep some in the freezer for these moments), pour some sparkling Kombucha into a champagne glass and light a candle in the bathroom. I then take the croissant out of the oven when the chocolate is oozing out, cut it into bite-sized pieces, put it on the prettiest plate I have and take it to the bathroom. I sink into the bath, exhale and feel every single one of my muscles relax and THEN I treat myself to the chocolate croissant. I use all my senses, marvelling at the smell of the baked masterpiece, looking at the layers of flaky pastry and listening as the pastry cracks as I bite into it. Of course, I also savour the taste of the melted chocolate as it settles on my tongue. Much better than angrily eating a packet of chocolate biscuits in my kitchen as I make dinner, like I used to do. If you’re a single mum or someone who literally can’t find 30 minutes in your day, then could you take your favourite treat and go sit in your bedroom/car/outside for 5 minutes, put on your favourite song, breathe deeply and just enjoy your moment of pleasure, no matter how brief it is?
  • I try and keep at least one or two spaces in my house that remain clutter-free and bring me pleasure. One is my bedroom. I try and keep it as simple and pleasure-inducing to me as possible. This includes a few framed pictures that I love and two bottles of essential oil – lavender and frankincense – which I sprinkle on my bed before I get in. Have you got at least one corner in your house or flat that’s totally for you and has things in it you love – books, candles, sparkly things that make you smile? Think about creating this space so that you can experience pleasure whenever you see it.
  • I no longer eat dinner on my lap in front of a TV show that I don’t like or find distressing. The reason I used to do this was because that’s how my husband gains pleasure. Dinner in front of the football is utter bliss to him, but it was the opposite for me, so one day I realised that this wasn’t a needed element of our relationship. I realised that I could sit at the dinner table in our kitchen and eat and savour my food, with my favourite radio station on and not hunched over a plate and seething that once again the football was on. This was so damaging to my mind, body and our relationship. There’s nothing sad about this, nothing worrying in our relationship if we don’t always eat dinner together, just a knowing that we both deserve pleasure and don’t always need to compromise. Is there a compromise you make with a loved one that ends up not satisfying either of you?
  • I consciously limit my time with people that destroy or try to question my right to pleasure. Sometimes I avoid them all together. Is there someone who has taught you that a woman experiencing pleasure is wrong or selfish? Your family? Other women? Religious institutions? Weight loss companies? My guess is that it’s probably anyone who stands to gain from you doing stuff for them. The incredible Brené Brown said: “We cannot ask people to give us something that we do not believe we’re worthy of receiving”. So stop. Acknowledge that you have a clitoris with 8,000 nerves all dedicated to receiving pleasure and a body that can release Nitric Oxide to boost and protect your health. Stop thinking you’re unworthy of pleasure or letting others make you feel that way. Stay away from people that suck the pleasure and beauty from your day.

Over to you

I know you want to look after others and bring them happiness, joy and pleasure, I do too. But, this should come from a place of you being full-up with your own health and pleasure. There’s always opportunities to fit more pleasure into your day, so start looking for them. Think of at least two things that you do in your current daily life that you can boost the pleasure factor of from 1 to 8,000!

  • Could you have your morning drink out of a nicer cup or in a prettier dressing gown?
  • Could you wear your favourite sparkly outfit to do the food shop?
  • Could you put some drops of essential oil in your shower or bath to transport your mind to a favourite holiday or spa?
  • Could you eat your dinner on a nicer plate or include more foods that make YOU feel fabulous (or have more nitrates in them)?
  • Could you decide that for five minutes every day, you’ll lie on your bed, breathe deeply and say good things about yourself, your day and your life?
  • Could you wear a tiara when working from home, or making the dinner?
  • Could you call someone who makes you laugh as opposed to stresses you out?
  • Could you savour the foods/drinks you love (especially if they’re bad for your health) so that your body is not having them and feeling stressed?
  • Could you play a song you love and dance to it once a day?

You get the idea. Of course, pleasure can also be bought. So, if you have the money, then honey, you GO FOR IT! Get every spa treatment, dinner out and trinket that gets your pleasure nerves pulsing and Superpower Sparkle Gas flowing. However, you hopefully see that pleasure doesn’t need to be bought and isn’t just for rich women, it’s for every woman to pursue and enjoy.

Looking after yourself and making time for pleasure might feel so uncomfortable and selfish, but you have to just get over it. Being self-less means you’re LESS than yourself. I don’t want you to be LESS than yourself; I want you to be MORE. I want you to have more health, vitality, vibrancy and pleasure. Let’s stop criticising the women who look after themselves and pursue pleasure. Let’s stop championing the women who “never stop” and “never put themselves first.” I read an obituary recently of a mum of three in her 40s and it was applauding the fact that “she spent her whole life putting everybody else first, even when she was dying.” This made me so angry and upset. To think that this woman, even when her body was sick and screaming “ME!!! I’M THE ONE WHO NEEDS LOVE, CARE, REST, NOURISHMENT, PLEASURE AND ATTENTION” still didn’t do that. It made me wonder if her very life could have been saved or at least extended if she’d put herself and her pleasure first for once.

It’s a courageous act to say goodbye to guilt, disease, depression, anger, resentment, being a martyr and always being exhausted. It takes guts to stand up as a woman and announce that pleasure is YOUR DIVINE RIGHT and embedded IN YOUR DIVINE DESIGN. You my darling, were designed to experience pleasure EVERY SINGLE DAY. So go say a big “yes” to yourself and your desires and let other women be astounded and admire you because you’ve realised that you don’t need permission for pleasure – it’s your birth right and vital to your health and sexy sparkle.

 

Final notes  

*Cliteracy – As much as the clitoris represents our need for pleasure, there’s obviously its ability to bring sexual pleasure. For example, it’s a little known (or experienced) fact that women can orgasm as easily as men if the clitoris is understood correctly. The issue of not understanding the clitoris has been fantastically promoted by the artist Sophia Wallace who educates, inspires and urges us to #GetCliterate. Go check out the amazing resource that she has created to learn more about the history, anatomy and role in sex of this organ. It’s fascinating – http://projects.huffingtonpost.com/projects/cliteracy

**Female Genital Mutilation  – I’m no specialist and do not have a sound base of knowledge in the area of FGM so that’s why I’m not expanding on this subject at length. HOWEVER, after learning more about how vital pleasure and our clitoris is, I do know that for a practice to exist that removes it from a woman’s body to try and eradicate her pleasure – sexual or of life in general – is barbaric and evil. Also please know that, yes, your clitoris is a physical organ, but the clitoris is also representative of your right as a woman to experience pleasure and you will be able to do this with or without one and THAT can never be taken away from you. If you’re in the UK and have been affected by this issue or know anyone who has, please go to http://www.dofeve.org/resources-and-links.html where further resources and help can be found, or see your GP.

 

THIS IS AN EXCLUSIVE SNEAK PEAK OF A CHAPTER FROM MY NEW BOOK ‘GET YOUR SPARKLE BACK’, WHICH WILL BE OUT IN OCTOBER 2018 

Big love,

Sally x

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